Just Leave Me
by all10xs
Summary: Based on CP Coulter's Dalton. Julian wants to leave and forget Logan, but not if everyone else can help it.  Rated for language. Julian/Logan
1. Anger

Just Leave Me- A Dalton Fic

Rating: M for swearing. For now.

Pairing: Logan/Julian

A/N: Hey guys. First fic in like forever. Be nice and review!

* * *

Logan held his pill in his right hand, turning it over as he gazed. He sat on his bed in his rather plush room. He could feel it in his bones, when he took the meds. He felt his brain stop working, stop him from thinking. His blood even flowed differently. It redirected every little feeling.

Logan was a master of disguise. At home with his family he couldn't be himself. Here he had to hide in this fog of pills and stretches of hallways. Blaine would glare if he even looked at Kurt in a way that had any feeling in it.

Logan wanted to be sick. He wanted to love. To hate. To be able to process things.

He heard footsteps and a knock before Derek walked inside, holding a glass of water. Logan didn't look up. He just sighed and took the glass.

"One of these days I'm not gonna be here to force this on you, Logan. "

Logan didn't say anything. He just threw the pill in his mouth and followed it with a swig of water. The little square pill left a funny aftertaste in his mouth, so he took another sip.

He looked up at Derek, "Someday, I won't be taking pills."

* * *

Meanwhile Julian had yet to roll out of bed. It didn't matter to him when he got up. He couldn't bear the thought of yet another day of acting. It was no wonder at his apparent talent for acting after all the years he'd spent putting on a daily show at Dalton.

It was, to be honest, some of his finest work. Derek had no idea before a drunken confession had almost spoiled everything. Now Derek analyzed every glance, every remark, every MOVE.

He was almost as bad as some of his fangirls.

But the truth was, actor and everything… he couldn't keep this role up for a very long time. Some characters are just so- so draining. So taxing to play. He needed to run every once in a while.

_"So—so what? You're just going to plaster on a smile and disappear again? You're running away again?"_

Julian could hear his friend's accusation fresh in his ear. It stung, but then again the truth usually did.

With that in his mind, he rolled out of bed. He was leaving in only a few days. Somehow that didn't really comfort him.

Later that afternoon, Julian hid himself in his room. He had no desire to associate with Logan now that it was set that he was leaving. It was like a little heartbreak. Logan would whine about the weather, wonder aloud about whoever was on his mind at the time. Julian would stare in hatred at their name leaving Logan's lips. He would envy the special holiness with which those sounds which described his affections.

Logan would turn to him and say, "But you don't care about that, do you?"

So Julian hid.

Which is why it came as a little bit of a surprise when he heard a tap on his door. Logan strode in as if he lived in the room. He looked medicated; Julian could tell from his walk, from the way his eyes seemed disinterested.

"Derek's out. I'm bored to death. Entertain me," he said by way of explanation.

"What, do you want me to go get Blaine and start a fight? I mean, I can totally arrange it, but honestly that hobbit could take you down when you're medicated," Julian quipped, his emotional wall quickly being raised.

"Oh, stop being so sarcastic." Logan replied with a smirk. There was a moment as Logan ambled around the edges of the room to stare out the window.

"God you're so needy. No wonder you can't hold down a guy." Julian grumbled.

"Oh like you would know. Mr. High-maintenance. Maybe that's all I need. Another guy who's just as needy as me."

_Oh you have no idea. _

"Like Kurt?" Julian said, his heart aching, knowing the inevitable answer.

"Yeah. Like him. Ha," Logan said, spinning around to face Julian. Julian stared toward the window from his bed, his uniform tie a little crumpled and his usually perfectly combed hair breaking free of its usual taming.

"Maybe I should be an actor." Logan said quietly.

"Ha." Julian smirked just a little, "You're a terrible actor."

"Sometimes, Julian… you are too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Julian spat out.

"Listen, Derek told me you're leaving again. What the hell keeps scaring you off? You come back for a month and then just take off again?"

Was Logan really asking about him?

"What the hell does it matter to you? It's my career."

"Well, you're my wingman, and no offense, but I look damn good with two sidekicks," Logan said.

"If you're gonna get all sentimental and reminiscent, don't start. Please. Ugh." Julian looked away from Logan and stared at the wall.

Logan smirked and walked over to the bed to sit next to Julian, "Stay. If not for your own sake- yeah, I know about the damn stalker- then stay to help me out."

Julian scoffed, "I can't believe Derek told you."

"You're staying, right? I kind of need some backup here. Who'll praaaactice with me now that Blaine's keeping a tight grip on his Kurt?"

"Fuck you."

"But that means you're staying, right?"

"There is no way I'm letting you (_be with any other fucking guy besides me)_ lose to Windsor."

Logan stood up again and walked back toward the door. He paused to look back at Julian.

"See, this is why we work. You get me."

And he walked out. Julian grabbed his pillow and punched it hard. He growled low and dangerously. Logan knew he would stay if he asked. He knew. The bastard somehow knew he could mold Julian like clay.

He tried to think of some way to channel his energy and anger at life. Julian threw his pillow at the door as he stood, almost tearing his guitar from its stand. The perfect rage song came to mind and his fingers knew the chords well, but he needed to calm down. The verses required some finesse…

_What I want from you is empty your head_

_They say be true, don't stain your bed_

_We do what we need to be free_

_And it leans on me like a rootless tree_

_What I want from us is empty our minds_

_We fake the thoughts, and fracture the times_

_We go blind when we've needed to see_

_And this leans on me, like a rootless..._

Julian sang calmly for the first few verses, summoning his patience for the chorus, and as he got closer, his voice grew full of rage and emotion as he belted out the words that had been running through his head for years.

_Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you_

_And all we've been through_

_I said leave it, leave it, leave it_

_There's nothing in you_

_And if you hate me, hate me, hate me, then hate me so good_

_That you can let me out, let me out, let me out_

_Of this hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out_

_Hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out_

He breathed as he neared yet another verse, controlling his feeling to focus on the lyrics. Thoughts of Logan's manipulation, his unknowing betrayal, hoping and pining pointlessly for a love he knew he couldn't have ran through his mind.

_What I want from this_

_Is learn to let go_

_Running away again, never stopping…_

_No not of you_

_Of all that's been told_

Of all the times that Derek had threatened to tell Logan…

_Killers re-invent and believe_

_And this leans on me, like a rootless..._

_Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you_

_And all we've been through_

_I said leave it, leave it, leave it_

_There's nothing in you_

_And if you hate me, hate me, hate me, then hate me so good_

And suddenly all he wanted was to escape just once more…

_That you can let me out, let me out, let me out_

_Of this hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out_

_Of this hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out_

_Hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out_

_Hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out_

Julian thought of never seeing him again and his heart broke and his voice cracked with distortion and tears in a mixture of confusion.

_Fuck you, fuck you, love you_

_And all we've been through_

_I said leave it, leave it, leave it_

_It's nothing in you_

_And if you hate me, hate me, hate me, then hate me so good_

_That you can let me out, let me out, let me out_

His fingers felt raw, his throat felt abused as he had screamed. He didn't care if Logan was even listening now. He panted, holding onto his guitar, his fingertips red from how hard he'd pressed on the frets.

He rested his head on his guitar as he thought to himself.

He had to stay.

* * *

Logan heard Julian playing, but didn't really listen. Julian did that sometimes. Logan stared at the window across the campus. He stared at Windsor and wondered if Kurt was thinking about him. If Blaine was still angry. Maybe he would get so mad that Kurt would leave. He would show up at Stuart with duffel bag in hand, obvious tear marks down his cheeks…

Logan would escort him up the stairs and into the room and kiss his tears away.

But he stopped thinking. It was hard to.

Julian was playing quite violently tonight. Logan shrugged it off and decided to sleep. Perhaps the meds would give him some nice dreams in exchange for the haziness of waking life.

He smirked. A trip into wonderland. Perhaps he could show Alice around.

* * *

Bailey stood outside Julian's door nervously pacing. He'd heard the music, obviously. And now he knew the source of Julian's mysterious disappearances, his sarcasm, his defenses.

But who to tell…


	2. Tension

A/N: This chapter's a lot longer, sorry. Trying to fit important plot points into chapters. Had to involve the Tweedles I'm afraid. Crazy kids. The song used is "Elvis Ain't Dead" by Scouting for Girls.

* * *

Ethan and Evan knew that Charlie wanted them to knock it off with playing pranks on Stuart. It got on his nerves that they even tried. Which is why every night, they pulled a small joke on a random Stuart boy. Simple 8 year old type pranks. Enough to keep them busy, but not enough to leave them alone for weeks.

Tonight it was Bailey, the harmless Stuart who they were sure to get backlash for playing tricks on. However, it came as a shock to see the boy still awake when they snuck into his room, again using Han's special keycards.

The Tweedles snuck in quietly, one behind the other, slowly closing the door. As soon as they did, Bailey sat up and hit his bedside light.

They froze. Bailey didn't.

"Figured it would only be a matter of time. Listen. Don't move. I'll let you prank me if you want. But. I have information."

The Twins looked at one another, as if communicating without speech. Eventually, they turned and looked at him.

"What information?" they said in unison.

"It's about Logan."

Bailey could see both faces glow with mischief as soon as Logan's name left his lips. Identical twin Cheshire grins appeared on their faces. They looked at one another once more, this time whispering very quietly to each other.

And then they both jumped on the bed, bouncing maniacally, "Continue, Gryphon."

"Gryphon?"

"Of course," said Evan

"You're supposed to tell us a story," Ethan said quickly.

"Now tell!" They finished together.

Bailey's big brown eyes flicked from one twin to the other, breathing deep, "You know how Julian goes away a lot?"

"I thought you said this was about the Knave!" Evan said as they both looked confused.

"Getting there. Just listen. Julian always helps Logan get the guy. Remember how he helped set Blaine and Logan up that one time? He left for LA the next day! And then he came back for a spell when they broke up. Then Logan was with that other guy for awhile and Julian only came back for a month before he took another movie offer and by then, Logan and Blaine were fighting like maniacs."

"Yes… is any of this actually a secret?"

"God, just… be patient," Bailey groaned before continuing, "It was Julian who told Logan where Blaine had gone. Derek told him not to because he didn't want to start a fight."

The twins blinked and one spoke, "The Cheshire Cat wants to kill them?"

Bailey rolled his eyes, "Logan's heard about Kurt and Blaine's fight. And now that his friend might have a chance with your diva of a Windsor, Julian is leaving. Again. And this time he's not coming back. And finally, I know the reason why."

Now the twins looked intrigued. Bailey took a deep breath.

"Julian Larson, the famous Dalton student, isn't as straight as everyone thought."

The Tweedles sat on the edge of Bailey's bed looking completely shocked and confused.

"Julian's been in love with Logan this whole time. He disappears because he can't stand to see him fawning over someone else. He wanted to leave this time as well, but Logan actually asked him to stay. I think he's going to stay, at least for a while."

There was silence, a phenomenon which wasn't often associated with the twins.

"Why are you telling us?"

"This has got to be a joke-"

"Do you want us to know or-"

"Or do you just think that by telling us that it'll make us stop?"

"How did you find out?"

"I overheard Julian and Derek in the hall talking about it. They didn't know I was there. I was hoping- maybe- that you could help end this. Use the information as you will, but just please. It's about to turn into World War Three if Logan and Blaine keep fighting. You know that."

The twins nodded. Evan spoke, "Okay. Deal."

"Good," Bailey answered, letting out a sigh of relief.

* * *

"Hey Kurt, have you seen the twins all day?" asked Reed the next day as they filed into the Warbler hall.

"No, can't say I have. It's scary. Maybe they've disappeared to some island country or something." Kurt said with a sigh. He still wasn't feeling quite well after his fight with Blaine. It was like he was sick to his stomach. He continued into the Hall with Reed by his side. Both of them weren't exactly happy, and they sat down together.

Seemingly out of nowhere, the Tweedles appeared.

"We're fine!" said Ethan

"We've been planning," explained Evan.

"Things are getting more complicated," they concluded.

"What the hell does that even mean?" Kurt responded in a bored tone.

"You'll see." Evan said

"Everybody has their secrets," they said.

"Hey so… can you make us a batch of your cookies?" Ethan asked.

"What?" Kurt said, looking annoyed, "What's this about?"

"Trust us."

"Fine."

The Tweedles smiled and they stood up and shouted, "HEY. ANNOUNCEMENT!"

The room went quiet as all attention turned to the identical twin warblers standing in the center of the hall.

"WE HAVE A CHALLENGE." They announced.

Many of the warblers looked at them with interest.

"We know that everyone's worrying about the fair and regionals, so we're going to do something fun."

"We're going to have a bit of a competition."

"We want to see what our non-warbler friends can do."

"And so. Two candidates will be elected to find non-warblers to do a duet with."

"Yep. And we've worked out a small incentive deal with Harvey and Medel. The winning warbler gets a solo."

A murmur went around the room. The tweedles took out lots of small pieces of paper and immediately went to work passing them out. The Warblers quickly scribbled down names and handed them to the twins.

"The nominees are!" Evan shouted as he tallied quickly, "Blaine!"

"And…" The other twin looked at the paper they counted the votes on, "Logan!"

The room went quiet. People looked at one another in worry.

"You'd better pull something fantastic off! And no killing each other." Ethan said. They looked from Blaine to Logan and grinned.

* * *

Logan sat in his room thinking about Kurt and Blaine. Blaine had gotten Kurt's attention through song. Every time he sang a song for Kurt, Blaine wedged his foot in the door enough for a relationship. Logan had been taking his meds for Kurt, and knew that he physically couldn't sing for him unless he was off them for just a while.

Maybe he'd stop for a bit. Just to sing. And if he got this solo against Blaine, then he knew he could really do it. He knew he could get Kurt. He just needed to win this stupid challenge.

Julian. He was made for it. No one outside of the Warblers in Windsor could sing like that. Logan sat up straight and headed for Julian's room. He knocked loudly and let himself in. Julian was reading a book and jumped.

"Julian. I need you. You're perfect." Logan said hurriedly. Julian froze in a look of confusion.

"Wh-what?"

"For the challenge! You're an amazing singer! I need you to help me beat Blaine and win Kurt over for good." Logan said, looking at Julian.

Julian raised his eyebrows and gave his friend a confused look, "So you're gonna sing a song and your dreams will come true? Oh, sorry, WE'RE going to sing a song? I never said I'd do anything with your little singing group. Especially just to help you get another cute guy."

Logan frowned and then sighed. He sat down on the edge of Julian's bed- next to him.

"You just _really_ don't understand what it's like for me, Julian. I just can't watch and let him be taken away. And these stupid pills make me just fuzzy all the damn time. I sit in my room every night and I- I try to be sad. To feel something. I try my fucking hardest to cry, to get angry. Sometimes I even try to be happy for him. I can't feel like that. But yet, I know I love him." Logan bit his lip.

"I'm sorry." Julian stared at the floor, trying to pretend he wasn't jealous.

"But Kurt knows that someone loves him. Really loves him with every octave and decibel that they can give him. And I… I have… nothing." Logan ran a hand through his hair, his other hand curling up. Julian didn't respond. "Maybe I'm just that unlikable. I'm just a jerk who covers up his problems with being a douchebag all the time."

Julian's heart was breaking more and more with every word. It took all of his acting skill to not confess his love right then and there as Logan breathed heavily on his bed next to him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him. Or better yet to just tell him to shut up while Julian kissed him again and again.

"I'll do it, okay?" Julian started. Logan stared at the floor next to him. Julian frowned, "Logan. Listen. I know you. You're none of those things. Yeah, so sometimes you're a jerk, but honestly it's mostly just the situations you get yourself into," Julian said quietly, "You're not compatible with the people you fall for sometimes. And- you know- someday… That'll change."

Logan sighed and looked up at his friend. Julian had a faraway look in his eyes. He chuckled softly.

"And someday maybe some beautiful young actress'll be able to break down that wall you've built for yourself." He said patronizingly.

Julian looked at him with a small, sad smile, "Not if I have anything to say about it."

Logan patted him on the back and stood up. He turned around to face Julian, "So, settled. Practice tomorrow in the Hall? 9:00."

Julian only nodded as Logan walked out the door.

* * *

The next morning, Julian strolled into the Hall, wearing his shades as always, brown hair swept perfectly to the side. He threw his leather jacket on a nearby chair and sat down next to Logan on the piano bench. His friend was looking at various sheet music, freshly printed.

Logan didn't even look up to talk to Julian as he addressed him, "I was thinking we'd do this song. It's by a british group called Scouting for Girls."

"_I wish it was me you chose? _Obvious much?" asked Julian, raising an eyebrow at the lyrics. Logan was really putting himself out there to fight.

Logan just handed him the sheet music and started playing it on the piano. He started the verse as the sheet music said.

_When I was young__  
__I never knew__  
__what this thing called love could do to you__  
__But since you been gone__  
__and I've been on my own__  
__I've been feeling quite peculiar__  
__but I'll get by without your smile__  
__I'll get through without you_

Logan went into the chorus with raw emotion. Unmedicated emotion. Julian frowned slightly before joining in on the background vocals and echoes of the refrain.

_But I wish it was me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose__  
__cause Elvis ain't dead (I wish it was me)_

_and you're coming back (I wish it was me)__  
__and Elvis ain't dead (I wish it was me)__  
__and you're coming by (I wish it was me)_

Julian started his verse, starting a little emotionless, drawing his notes out and shaking his head at the lyrics. He couldn't believe Logan's nerve, asking him to sing a song like this one.

_Since you been gone__  
__I can do what I like__  
__but it doesn't mean a lot to me__  
__I'm all shook up__  
__and I'm lonesome tonight__  
__I think I need a love lobotomy__  
__but I'll get by without your smile__  
__I'll get through without you_

His voice betrayed him as he went back to doing background vocals for the chorus and his neverending wish-it-was-me-s.

_But I wish it was me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose_

Logan sang out, and his voice rang brightly through the room resounding in Julian's ears and stinging.

_Cause Elvis ain't dead(I wish it was me)__  
__And you're coming back(I wish it was me__  
__Cause Elvis ain't dead(I wish it was me)__  
__And you're coming by(I wish it was me)__  
__Oh no_

Logan started the bridge, slamming his fingers down on the keys of the old piano as he did so.

_You__  
__Me__  
__Maybe we we were never meant to be_

Julian did the repeat, thinking as he sang

_You, Me_

_Maybe we were never meant to be_

_Elvis isn't dead__  
__Elvis isn't dead__  
__Elvis isn't dead__  
__cause I heard him on the radio_

_Elvis isn't dead__  
__Elvis isn't dead__  
__Elvis isn't dead__  
__and you're coming back to me I know_

_Elvis isn't dead, Elvis isn't dead. Elvis isn't dead._

_(I'll get by without your smile. I'll get through without you)_

_Me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose__  
__I wish it was me you chose__  
__cause Elvis ain't dead (I wish it was me)__  
__and you're coming back (I wish it was me)__  
__and Elvis ain't dead (I wish it was me)__  
__and you're coming back (I wish it was me)_

_And Elvis ain't dead (Elvis ain't dead)__  
__And Elvis ain't dead (Elvis ain't dead)__  
__And Elvis ain't dead (Elvis ain't dead)__  
__And Elvis ain't dead (Elvis ain't dead)_

Logan hit the last chord and it echoed for a few seconds around the room. The silence made Logan slightly nauseous. To Logan, the whole song was for Kurt when for Julian, the whole song was for Logan. Again.

"PERFECT!" Logan slapped Julian on the back. Meanwhile Julian wrapped up his music and raised his eyebrow.

"You're asking for a fight this time," he stated simply as he rose.

"Maybe I am. At least I can take Blaine now. I'm off that medication until I do the song." Logan shrugged and turned to walk out.

Julian sighed and watched him leave. He crumpled on the piano seat and rested his head on the keys, which resulted in a dissonant nonsense chord. _Story of my life_, he thought.

* * *

"I figured you'd want to know. Logan left the practice room. Julian is crumpled in a heap on the piano looking sick," Han said through the speaker system.

"Let us know if he starts playing something. We'll divert Logan back if we need to," Evan said to the ceiling of their room."

"Of course he's going to play something. Totally Julian stuff. Sing when no one's watching," Ethan said, nodding.

"Or when he thinks no one's watching." They finished, grinning at each other.

* * *

A/N: Reviews welcome!


	3. Desire

A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful comments and encouragement! It definitely helps me want to write faster And now, the reveal. Or is it?

**Chapter Three: Desire**

* * *

Julian sat at the piano, just resting his head, trying to wrap his head around his feelings. This had to be the worst brand of torture. He was used to quitting- to running away. To playing the role of the rich, famous lackey of the school jerk. But no one really got who he really was. Even Derek, who knew his motivation, didn't understand what it was like.

And no one understood Logan either. Both of them played parts so well. Logan played the senator's perfect son. He knew that Logan couldn't properly come out. To some extent, Julian couldn't either. His publicist knew that Julian was _flexible_, but urged him to suppress it as their greatest revenue was from his fans.

And that was what had attracted Julian to Logan in the first place. They were both lost inside.

It didn't hurt that he was beautiful either. Julian sat up, his fingers brushing the tempting ivory keys.

Working with him this way was going to kill him. Knowing every note would always be for Kurt, seeing that excited glint in Logan's eyes just thinking about him. The same one Julian had gotten so long ago when he was around Logan.

Julian thought about Logan, his blonde hair falling ever so slightly into his eyes. Julian wanted to run his fingers through his hair as they kissed, feeling it fall silkily through his fingers. Julian sighed.

His fingers hit a few notes hesitantly. Maybe he'd mess around. He hadn't played piano in weeks…

* * *

Logan was at the other end of the building, about to step into the howling cold February weather when the Tweedles appeared out of nowhere. Logan recoiled just the slightest, his reaction visibly not as deterred as it would have been if he had been medicated.

"Someone hasn't been taking their medication," Ethan said to his brother, tutting audibly. Evan pretended to disapprove and then looked over at Logan with a big grin.

"Should we tell Kurt?" Evan replied. Logan's eyebrows furrowed. They were being their normal, frustrating selves.

"I haven't gotten around to it today, as a matter of fact, but I plan on taking my pills. I don't think Derek would allow me outside of the Stuart House for long without taking them." Logan stated defensively.

The twins just looked at him knowingly. Ethan spoke, "We don't hate you, you know."

"That much." Evan added quietly.

"We've known you forever, so we know you a bit better than most of our Windsor fellows." Ethan finished.

"Then why make me suffer whenever you can?"

"Why do you make you suffer? Sometimes things are simple." Evan said.

"And sometimes things are complicated!" Ethan continued.

"And sometimes things are so complicated- they're simple!" Evan concluded.

"You know, I've always hated it when you do that."

"Just making a statement." They said in unison.

A piano could be heard in the distance. Someone playing. Julian? He had probably gone. Possibly another way. What if it was Kurt?

Logan looked up at the ceiling, then back down. The Tweedles had vanished. All their lives, they had been perfecting that Cheshire act. The piano continued. Outside, the wind howled louder. Logan found himself following the piano, more on a whim than anything else. As he walked the halls, the echo of the piano keys got louder. At first they were just playing arbitrary chords and notes, but slowly the person playing got more confident.

Logan drew nearer, and propped the door to the Hall open just a tiny crack. The player was playing more rhythmically now. _The beginning to a song,_ thought Logan. He peered in to watch Julian playing intensely, his fingers sliding along the keys easily. _Sounds familiar_…

Julian's left hand played a staccato rhythm while his right played out some chords. This song was perfect. A small smile played over his lips and he started to sing.

_I know you've suffered_  
_But I don't want you to hide_  
_It's cold and loveless_  
_I won't let you be denied_

Logan knew this song. It was a tender version, almost, without the throbbing beat behind the melody, but the way Julian sang it… it was almost applicable…

_Soothing_  
_I'll make you feel pure_  
_Trust me_  
_You can be sure_

Logan had never heard Julian play like this. He was putting everything he had into it, his voice so smooth and meaningful. The piano's crescendo was almost violent as the song went into its chorus.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_  
_I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask_  
_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_  
_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

Logan watched as his friend continued, the lyrics becoming more and more confusing. Julian was so focused that he didn't even notice that the door was halfway open by now as Logan looked on in shock.

_You trick your lovers_  
_That you're wicked and divine_  
_You may be a sinner_  
_But your innocence is mine_

Julian played and sang his heart out, his eyes closed in concentration as he focused on the lyrics and the melody. He meant every word, and it showed.

_Please me_  
_Show me how it's done_  
_Tease me_  
_You are the one_

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_  
_I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask_  
_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_  
_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

Logan watched as Julian's piano playing became more intricate and his voice became more enthusiastic. _Who was he singing about?_ This wasn't just a song picked from thin air. Julian really connected with this song- that much was plain to see.

Julian's piano became softer after that chorus, building up to something. His voice was soft, too. Soft… meaningful. Logan had never seen Julian this involved and emotional with anything…

_Please me_

Julian gave everything to that note, putting his need into it.

_Show me how it's done_  
_Trust me_  
_You are the one_

Logan stepped cautiously into the room as he went into the final chorus, the loudest of them yet. Logan's thoughts buzzed and whirred as he tried to explain his friend's frankly odd behavior. The same question, over and over.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

_Whose?_

_I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask_

_Julian, who made you like this?_

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_

_What past? Whose?_

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

Julian played a few more resounding chords and then let the final chord ring throughout the room. He sighed heavily without opening his eyes, his face almost red from the effort of singing that intensely. Logan took a few more steps forward, silently, and then Julian looked up. Both boys froze as they looked at each other. Logan with concern, Julian with shock. Julian's hand went to his mouth, as if he had done something completely awful in front of Logan.

It hit Logan like a train. His expression changed.

_Oh. _

Julian grabbed his things and ran before Logan even had a chance to recover.

* * *

A/N: Song was Undisclosed Desires- Muse.

Tell me what you think!


	4. Confrontation

A/N: So this story isn't quite following the storyline of Dalton at all anymore- the fair never happened here. And let's ignore Adam because I think he's a scary serial killer. Okay? Okay.

* * *

Logan stared down at the piano for a moment, replaying the moment: Julian's eyes flashed and widened in shock, his body seized up and then he was gone. He was running again.

_He's in love with me. Julian._ Logan thought for a moment, then took off running. He ran outside into the cold winter air, feeling the wind burn his face as the took off for Stuart. Every step he took, he reminded himself why this was so urgent. _He_. Step. _Loves_. Step. _Me_. He ran all the way back, his heart and mind racing. He slammed the front door and was greeted by Derek, who stood in his way.

"What happened? Julian just ran in and straight to his room! I figured something happened at practice." Derek said quietly

Logan panted, "Whatever. Need to talk to him."

Derek sighed and dragged Logan upstairs and into Logan's room. He shut the door behind them and locked it.

"What happened?"

Logan sat on his bed, thinking about whether he should tell Derek what had happened. Logan had no proof. He had no witnesses; only a suggestive song and a look in Julian's eyes.

"It's not even anything much. I just- well- I doubled back after we sang the song I wanted to sing for the challenge," Logan began, pausing to recollect his thoughts. Julian could be half packed right now, "Julian was singing when I came back in. Something about Undisclosed Desires and just- the way that he was singing..."

Logan sighed. Derek sat next to him. "Did he see you?"

"After he was done, yes. He looked up, saw me, and ran."

"Goddammit," Derek sighed. There was a pause, and then, "Okay. I... I think this is out of his hands... So I can tell you. He's been in love with you since freshman year, Logan. Haven't you seen the way he looks at you sometimes?"

"Stop." Logan said quietly.

"Logan- you need to listen."

"I want to hear this from him. Please- just stop. He hasn't told me for a reason, so I don't want you to break that for him. He runs away sometimes and- I need to see him." Logan stared blankly ahead and thought.

"Well, he's locked himself inside his dorm and he's not opening up." Derek replied simply. There was a silence before Logan noticed something on his bedside table.

There was a small white envelope with his name written in quickly scrawled letters. He knew that handwriting... He grabbed the envelope hastily and turned it over.

_Use me_

Logan smirked. The twins. He tore it open and inside lay a blank white keycard. For once, Windsor was helping him. He turned it over in his hand thoughtfully. Julian could have called his driver, could have run again.

Logan didn't know how he felt. His emotions were fluctuating like mad. He needed to talk to Julian. But what if he was _wrong?_

He felt Derek's eyes on him. "Go," he said, exasperated.

"I should."

Derek hooked his arm around Logan's and walked him down the hall to Julian's door and placed Logan there. He shook his head saying, "Fucking drama queens." Then he walked away.

Logan heard nothing from inside Julian's room. He stared at the door for a minute. Then he knocked.

"Julian. It's me. Open the hell up, will you?"

Nothing.

He pressed his ear to the door and heard the distant sound of muffled sobs. Logan slipped the keycard in the lock and then the light turned green. He took a deep breath as he turned the handle.

Julian was lying on his bed face down, obviously having just stopped crying to himself when he heard the door open.

Logan closed the door behind it and leaned against it. He let a few moments pass before he spoke, "Listen. I know- I know that you must want to run."

Julian leaned his head against the door out of frustration.

"I don't know what the hell that was all about. I really don't. Derek tried to tell me something just now but I stopped him." Logan continued, "The thing is... Jules... I just... I know I pretend like I don't care about you guys... But you were singing like there was something important that you had to say. I know you weren't acting because no fucking actor can fake that."

Julian rolled to his side, still not facing Logan, but at least indicating that he was listening.

"There's something you're not telling me. And I think that, now, I have a pretty good idea of what it might be. But I don't want to hear it from Derek. What does he know, with his pretty little gems every two weeks. Julian... Jules. Just- just_ tell _me."

The silence that fell in the room was thick with unspoken words, and Logan felt his ears strain to hear every tiny sound so that he wouldn't miss a word.

"And why would I want to tell you?" Julian said, his voice trembling with anger.

"Because we are- in the traditional sense- considered friends." Logan replied defensively.

"Oh, so that's what this is. I back you up, you yell at me, I yell back and then fall in line behind you anyway! And you wonder why I leave." Julian sat and then stood up, spinning to face Logan. His eyes were dry, as if he hadn't been crying at all.

"Then... why do you stay?"

"Well if you'd looked away from the mirror, you would have seen me standing on the sidelines, hoping that maybe ONE time you'd see me in half the light you see them." Julian's eyes were narrowed as he looked at Logan. He quickly looked away and let out an annoyed noise.

Logan looked at him for a minute before sitting on the chair near the door. He avoided looking at Julian as he spoke, "I don't... I... I'm not sure what I think. Believe me when I say that I had no idea whatesoever. I know you didn't want to tell me. I-"

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop." Julian replied. "This is exactly what I didn't want. I don't want you to give me a whole talk. I know I don't have a chance in hell. Even if Kurt wasn't on the scene. And I mean- what would I do? My publicist is keen on suppressing any sort of leanings toward the same sex. I couldn't- I dunno- sing with you and prance through the grounds like it's a big gay musical. And deep down, Logan, that's all you want. You wanna be yourself with someone. I mean, you hide it from your family. Play the good senator's son." Julian sighed and raised a hand to his head before continuing.

"And you know what? I've tried being miserable. It's not conducive to anything. I've worn myself out. On set I can conjure tears like a fucking magician. When I actually _want_ to cry my eyes out: Nothing. Happens. I may not be on heavy meds like you, but you know what? I think I'm just as hollow as you. So instead of whining and bitching, I just set you up with your perfect little fantasies and run away before they explode in your face."

Logan stood once again, his fists clenched and his jaw set. "You don't know what I have to go through. You could have anything you wanted. You could have transferred the minute Blaine became a factor. You have the WORLD at your feet!"

"WELL YOU HAVE ME AT YOURS!"

There was a silence when Julian stared angrily at Logan. Their eyes met. Logan saw the anger soften into something else, but Julian looked away again. "I'm sorry... I can't talk to you," was all Julian offered for explanation as he walked to the window. It surprised Logan only a little when a soft voice echoed as he turned to leave.

_You have broken me all the way down_

_Down upon my knees_

_And you have broken me all the way now_

_You'll be the last, you'll see_

Logan turned back around to look at Julian, who still had his back to the blonde boy.

_And some fight you gave_

_When I pushed you away_

_From me_

_And in the morning_

_When you turn in_

_I'll be far to sea_

Logan's eyes flicked to Julian's bags on the floor. Had he called the studio already to confirm his role?

_And you have broken me all the way down_

_You'll be the last, you'll see_

Logan made his only interruption with a small phrase from the song which at least got Julian to turn to look at him again.

_And what chance have we got_

_When you missed every shot_

_For me_

Julian continued, and this time his brown eyes shined with tears. They didn't fall just yet, but they were there. Logan felt a twinge of real hurt as Julian stared at him with so much emotion.

_And in the morning_

_When you turn in_

_I'll be out of reach_

_And in the darkness_

_When you find this_

_I'll be far to sea_

Logan narrowed his eyes and Julian looked down at the floor as he finished.

_And you have broken me all the way down_

_You'll be the last, you'll see_

There was again a silence in the room, but it was soon cut off by Logan's swift movement. He snatched up Julian's bags and opened the door to violently toss them out into the hallway. He shut the door behind him as he turned back to Julian. "I'm not letting you run away this time."

"You know I can easily buy new bags. Hell. I don't need bags," Julian replied.

"Yes, but I know that you need me. Deep down. And I'm gonna exploit that just to keep you here." Logan walked back toward where Julian stood. "I'm not sure what I feel for you Jules. It's not love- not yet. I can't just turn around and fall in love, as much as I'd love to. But I care. Alright? I care about you in some way. Isn't that enough?"

"I'm not a dog begging for scraps-"

"But I'm used to being the one begging. Okay? I know how that feels. I can't- in good conscience throw you out because I know what it feels like to have happen to me."

Julian ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the window. "But you didn't recognize it."

"Hey- that's not fair at all. You were never honest with me. You never stopped me. You never let me catch you crying or moaning my name in my sleep like a bad novel. Not til today, anyway. And like I said, this won't come easy. I'm still in love with Kurt."

Julian hung his head. "I know," he said softly. "Just- you can leave me. It's how I've always been. Set you up, watch you crash. I don't care about me. I deserve you. But I can't really ever have you."

Logan sighed. His heart actually hurt for Julian. At least Logan had a place to be himself. For Julian there was no such place.

"No. This time you're staying out. You're getting a chance. I'm not letting you play the martyr."

"What?" Julian said.

"No." Logan said, a ghost of a smile haunting his lips as he turned to leave. "Win me over."

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Lemme know! The song was All the Way Down by Glen Hansard


	5. Clarification

A/N: Hey guys! FINALLY finished Chapter 5 between all the work and school and the writer's block! Enjoy.

* * *

Julian couldn't sleep. He was just down the hall from the person that meant the most to him. And now Logan knew how much Julian loved him... Smug bastard. He'd thought all night of any way to win Logan over... It was 3 AM when he had an epiphany.

Logan always took his crushes public. Well, amongst the Warblers anyway. Julian needed to get into the Warblers. Sure, it meant their piece was null and void, but that was okay by Julian. _Less of a chance for him to show off to Kurt, _he thought. He scoured the internet for sheet music and printed it out as fast as he could.

By 5 am, he was sure in his plan. He just needed a few elements to fall into place. He knew Harvey and Medel would take him into the singing group with no questions asked. He needed to let him try out for the solo. He wasn't sure he'd get it, but at least he should be able to outshine Blaine with his formal vocal training.

He was determined and he felt his heart beating faster as the day passed. Anticipation was building in his veins and soon he emerged from Harvey and Medel's office, victorious. He straightened his tie and smiled.

* * *

Logan hadn't seen Julian all day and was beginning to wonder if perhaps he'd said something wrong. _Maybe he left anyway... maybe I should have just kissed him to keep him here... But I don't-_

As he walked pensively into Warblers' Hall, he was greeted by Julian's millionaire smile.

"You're late, Mr. Wright. Blaine has already sung his duet to try out for the solo and it seems that your partner was so inspired by practice with you that he's decided to join." Harvey said, smirking slightly.

"So does that mean that I lose?" Logan said quietly, regaining his smooth exterior, eyebrow raised.

"Perhaps. However, we are allowing Mr. Larson to audition for the solo on his own."

Logan looked at Julian, who was avoiding eye contact. "May I?" Julian inquired, handing his sheet music to the Medel, who was seated on the piano bench. Julian cleared his throat and the song began. Logan hurriedly found a seat in the back of the room, curious as to Julian's intentions with this move.

The piano was slow. Julian looked incredibly focused, as he always was.

_Don't know what to do anymore_

_I've lost the only love worth fighting for_

_I'll drown in my tears_

_Don't they see?_

_That would show you _

_that would make you hurt like me_

Julian was very clearly looking at him as he sang, emotion flowing from his voice.

_All the same_

_I don't want mudslinging games_

_It's such a shame_

_To let you walk away_

Then, Julian bounded off of the stage and walked straight to him as he sang. The other Warblers, including Logan, raised their eyebrows, surprised by how forward Julian was being.

_Is there a chance?_

_A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?_

_A reason to fight?_

_Is there a chance you may change your mind?_

_Or are we ashes and wine?_

Julian felt his heart pounding. _This is crazy, he'll walk out in the middle of the song, Julian what are you doing, stop singing but oh god he's looking at me, those eyes, please let me hold you, sing LOUDER!_

_Don't know if our fate's already sealed_

_This day's spinning surface on a wheel_

_I'm ill with the thought of your kiss_

_Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips_

_Cut it out_

_I've got no claim on you now_

_Not allowed to wear your freedom down_

Logan met Julian's gaze as the brunette fell to his knees- actually dropped down in front of him and took his hands looking into his eyes, searching. The Warblers, including Kurt and Blaine, watched with interest and shock (for some) as Julian serenaded the blonde. Julian's palms were sweaty, but, he noticed, so were Logan's.

_I'll tear myself away_

_That is what you need_

_There is nothing left to say_

_But_

Julian stood once again, letting go of Logan's hands, and completely walked away, addressing everyone else, it seemed. He made eye contact with every one of them and sang quietly, as if he were begging them to make Logan notice him, pleading with every fiber of his being for them to side with him.

_Is there a chance?_

_A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?_

_A reason to fight?_

_Is there a chance you may change your mind?_

_Yes,_ thought Logan.

_Or are we ashes and wine?_

Julian walked away, back toward the front and turned around, only to meet Logan's searching eyes once more.

_The day's still ashes and wine_

_Or are we ashes?_

Logan and Julian just stared at each other until, slowly, the Warblers began to clap. People whistled. Julian's voice had pierced through the hall so beautifully, there was no doubt about that, it was just his forwardness which struck them as completely odd. Kurt smiled and nodded at Julian appreciatively, threading his fingers through Blaine's and resting his head on his shoulder.

"Well... thank you, Julian. That was beautiful," Medel said, smiling (were those tears in her eyes?). "I think you would do a fine job representing the Dalton Warblers."

Julian nodded and grinned that movie star smile, looking smug with himself. He walked off of the stage and was greeted by the Warblers all slapping him on the back and telling him how great he was.

Logan caught his eye from across the room and smiled. Julian's heart leapt and he smiled even wider, laughing for the first time in what felt like ages.

* * *

**Meanwhile...**

Another boy watched from the outside.

He had just witnessed HIS Julian serenading his supposed Friend. With a love song. Julian wasn't allowed, he had decided, to sing like that to anyone but him. Even if he didn't know it yet.

Adam knew the other boy's name was Logan. And he knew that he was supposedly in love with Kurt, who was currently dating Blaine.

"Okay. Maybe I made the wrong move. Maybe you should be allowed to leave. But you can't be with him. He can't love you like I can," He whispered to himself, his brain working to come up with another plan. Plan B.

The rational side of his brain screamed at him. Perhaps This wasn't such a simple situation. In another world, maybe they could have been happy. But no.

Yet, he had his cover to maintain. He'd have to play it safe for a while.

Adam picked up his favorite picture of Julian. He ran his finger over Julian's lips lovingly. He smirked to himself. He would have Julian soon enough...

* * *

A/N: Song Featured was Ashes and Wine by A Fine Frenzy. R/R!


	6. Terror

A/N: So sorry I haven't updated in forever. I thought I'd give you this. THANK YOU IF YOU'VE STUCK WITH ME!

* * *

A week later…

Julian's plan had been progressing slowly. He was going to Warblers rehearsals now, and had openly flirted with Logan on more than one occasion. They had gone out for coffee which was actually a disaster with people recognizing him. They'd ended up just grabbing their coffee and running to the nearest library, where they'd found a quiet corner to whisper in. It was actually surprisingly romantic and cheesy, and Julian's self-proclaimed victory date.

He'd noticed that Logan's smiles were becoming less forced and his stare these days lingered a little longer, curiously, as if he were rediscovering Julian entirely. Every glance he caught Logan in made his stomach flutter and his grin grow larger.

Julian's new Hanover friend, Adam, turned out to be surprisingly supportive, for a fan, and Julian made him swear not to leak it to the tabloids as he gushed. Adam only laughed and asked him more about how he had fallen for Logan and about the situation between Logan, Kurt, and Blaine.

"Logan and Blaine... They were together last year. Well until Joshua… Joshua messed everything up, really. It ended violently, to say the least. Which is why it was such a trainwreck when Logan decided to chase after Kurt this year. Blaine and he almost got just as violent again. It's just a mess. I… I tend to leave. When things get rough. I couldn't stand to see him pining after another guy. Because, hey. I've been here the whole time. So I usually just accept the latest movie offer and leave." Julian ranted, stirring his coffee absently.

Adam looked at him curiously, "Well, what kept you from leaving this time?"

Julian looked shaken for a moment. "Well… I mean… I couldn't. I realized I was just being a coward."

Adam nodded, "Yeah, I know how you feel, anyway. Hey, anyway, I've gotta get back to doing some homework. Murdoch. Killer. I'll see you soon, Julian." Adam retreated quickly and Julian gave him a distracted wave as he thought about Logan and their date and if Logan could be in love with him yet…

* * *

That night found Derek, Julian, and Logan studying together for another exam the next day. They'd holed up in Logan's room with a full pot of coffee and their notes spread across the floor like a vast mosaic of scribbles.

Julian loved to watch Logan focus. His eyes were so intense, yet his face was calm and his finger followed line after line so delicately. They would break the silence once in a while, and eventually at midnight they agreed that they all required some sort of sustenance.

"Alright, who's going to pick up some pizza or something?" Derek said. Julian shrugged.

"If I go, I'll just get hoarded by people wanting autographs for their daughters or wives, most likely," he said nonchalantly, "So it'd take much longer for us to actually get the food and, therefore, would result in cold pizza."

"Fuck you, Jules," Derek said. He looked to Logan.

"Nose goes!" said Logan quickly, finger flying to his nose before Derek even moved.

"Oh, now you're just cheating. FINE. I'll go," Derek said, disentangling himself from the notes strewn across his lap.

As Derek left, Julian pretended to be looking at his notes. But now that Derek had gone, he noticed a change in the room. Logan and Julian alone. In Logan's room. With about a fifteen minutes to wait for their friend to get back. Julian's eyes gravitated automatically to watch Logan.

Logan looked up and caught him staring. "Jules… Unless you've somehow written your notes on my shirt, I'm not sure staring at me will help you study." He smirked. Julian's heart raced.

"Well, it's not like I'm exactly hiding anything anymore. I'm just looking recreationally." Julian said, shrugging.

"And maybe I've been looking recreationally at you for the past half hour." Logan said quietly. That got Julian's attention. He could feel a blush rising in his cheeks.

"How have I been doing?"

"With winning me over?" Logan asked, to which Jules nodded. Logan thought for a moment. "I'm not sure how I feel. But I feel more of whatever this is."

Julian nodded, "Any way that I can help?"

Logan considered him for a moment. He clambered down from his bed and sat nearer to Julian, staring thoughtfully. "Mind if I experiment for a minute? I just want to see how this… I mean- how it would feel…" and Logan took Julian's hand and threaded his fingers though Julian's.

Julian's breath hitched. His pulse raced. Logan seemed focused as he pressed their palms together. Logan looked at him with a smile.

Julian vaguely noted that Logan was closer. And closer. Julian felt himself gravitating toward Logan…

Their lips met.

The position was all wrong. It was awkward, clumsy, and yet, Julian's whole brain went blank. It was short, just a press of lips to his. They pulled away, eyes on each other, their faces still so close. Logan smiled- a real smile.

Their hands were still joined.

There was a knock at the door suddenly, forcing the boys to look away. Derek had returned with pizza, and they were once again engrossed in studying and pizza for a few more hours. Maybe with the occasional glance up.

* * *

It was 3 in the morning when a noise disturbed Julian. The sound of paper hitting the floor. He'd always been a light sleeper, but these days… He turned his light on to have his suspicions confirmed.

On the floor lay a letter covered in rose petals. Julian carefully unfolded it, hands trembling.

JULIAN

I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM.

CHOOSE: HIM OR BLAINE? ONE WAY YOU HAVE YOUR LOVE ALIVE AND YOU HAVE THE GUILT OF A BOY KILLED. LOGAN CAN HAVE HIS BELOVED KURT THAT WAY.

THE OTHER WAY MEANS YOUR LOVE WILL DIE AND THE OTHER TWO CAN LIVE HAPPILY.

DECIDE. ANSWER ME BY WRITING ON YOUR WINDOW TOMORROW.

YOU WILL STOP TRYING TO BE WITH HIM.

Julian shook with rage and terror as he read. His mind flew, and his body screamed. There had to be a loophole. Some way to stop this. Either Logan died and Blaine and Kurt were safe… Or Blaine died leaving Logan to pursue Kurt… but he wouldn't… Not if Blaine…

Julian couldn't process anything.

He couldn't move. He breathed slowly, forcing the air in and out. He sat down on his bed, staring at the letter and trying not to move. Slowly his logic kicked in…

People who gave in to creeps like this just made it too easy.

Julian had lost time and waited for years to get his man, and he wasn't about to take a threat lying down. He had to tell Logan. He had to get help. At least if the stalker killed him, no one else would have to be hurt.

He closed his blinds tightly shut and crept out of the room, careful not to make a sound. Whoever it was likely not still around, but he wanted to be sure. He tucked the letter in his pocket and sped down the hallway, careful not to disturb anyone. He could tell Logan was still awake from the light emanating from beneath the door. He tapped lightly, hoping Logan could hear.

Nothing.

He tapped again and slipped the letter under the door. That must have gotten his attention, because he immediately opened the door. Without a word, Julian pushed him inside and closed the door behind him.

"I have a stalker. He gave me that note. I'm not letting either thing happen, so help me figure out a plan." He said quickly and softly. Logan's brow furrowed in confusion. He grabbed the paper and started to read.

"What? Blaine or me? He's- What?" Logan turned and sat on his bed, pondering the paper.

"I've seen movies and read stories and where they give in, everyone loses. I'm not losing you, and I'm not living with any guilt." Julian said, defiance sending adrenaline pumping through his veins. Logan looked up at him, green eyes searching his. For the first time, Julian realized he was shaking.

Logan stood again, dropping the paper. He strode toward Julian. Strong, warm hands took Julian's own and Logan's eyes looked forever into Julian's.

"Listen. Whatever is happening, we're going to fight this together," Logan said softly, his voice low and comforting. "I- I've never seen you so freaked out. Or… or so strong. And I know you're strong. You put up with me." This got a slight smile from both of them. Logan released his hands and put his arms around Julian's waist.

Julian's heart raced. This wasn't fair. First a shock and now straight into Logan's arms. His night was getting so stressful.

"You've waited for me. You've shown me more than I deserve." Logan whispered.

Julian smiled sadly. "You deserve everything. That's all I want to give you."

Logan leaned in and kissed him again, slowly, softly, growing more passionate as their lips moved. Julian opened his lips slightly and their tongues fought for possession of each others' mouths. Julian felt his head just floating. He forgot his nervousness and his troubles, and focused instead on the warmth of Logan's mouth meeting his and their noses crashing awkwardly together as they kissed.

As they let go, Julian realized that somewhere in the mess his hands had circled up around Logan's neck. Logan rested his head on Julian's, his eyes closed.

"I think you've won." Logan said. "But I won't let this person- whoever it is- win too."

* * *

A/N: I apologize if NONE of this makes any sense. But anyways. Thanks as always.


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